How To Impress A Waitress
Imparting Wisdom • A Day Like Any Other Day—Except For The Meteor
One Minute Wit
Imparting Wisdom
My Obligation To The Younger Generation
Now that I am older, I feel obligated to impart wisdom to the younger generations, so here goes:
Don’t stare at the sun while standing under a giant magnifying glass.
50-Word Story
How To Impress A Waitress
Rachel works hard as a waitress.
I try to cheer her up when I visit the diner.
Today, she asked, “What would you like?”
I said, “I’d like some delectable, mouthwatering, appetizing, tasty, flavorful, succulent, scrumptious, yummy, finger-licking, lip-smacking, melt-in-your-mouth, delicious food, please.”
She quit.
Humor
A Day Like Any Other Day—Except For The Meteor
It was a Tuesday. A day like any other day. Undeterred, I got out of bed anyway. I went to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of raspberry preserves. I put a slice of wheat bread in my toaster of considerable quality and made some toast. When the bread popped up perfectly browned, I smeared some coffee on it and wolfed it down. Energized, I donned my helmet, hopped on my snowmobile, and headed to work.
It’s slow going in the summer, but I am nothing if not persistent. As I was cruising along on the freeway to a chorus of honks and beeps, I happened to look up and saw a meteor hurtling towards Earth. I don’t know why no one else saw it. Perhaps they were too busy playing Impatient Patty Toots Her Horn.
I knew I had to act fast, or Earth would suffer catastrophic damage. I quickly plotted its trajectory to an open field nearby. Luckily I had a chainsaw, a canister of liquid nitrogen, and a huge stack of rubber bands under my seat. I cut the tops off of dozens of trees and quickly stretched the rubber bands between the tree trunks creating a dense web of rubber bands.
As the flaming meteor approached, I blasted it with the CO2 instantly freezing it into a frozen ice meteor. It hit the rubber bands, bounced off, and blasted back into the sky heading west. My hope was it would eventually land in the Pacific Ocean, causing minimal damage to the planet.
Later I went on Facebook and saw people reporting a mysterious light in the sky over L.A.
I smiled.
Happy Monday.
Mark
Also I loved those stories!!!
I agree! There was actually some newsletter study done at some point that showed people are more likely to read an article if it’s in the email itself. No matter how long it is. And anecdotally I rarely click ☺️